Setting Boundaries by Cara Lumen

I found myself stretched out and grouchy. I felt scattered and pulled in a great many directions even though they were exciting directions. I was far from balanced. I knew I needed to change. I gave myself a reality check, realized I was being bombarded from all sides and that I felt out of control. I realized the solution was that I had to set some new boundaries.

Boundaries are not about keeping people out, they are about structuring your life in a manner that nourishes and fulfills you. The boundaries will be different for each of us because our needs are unique. Someone may need to make time to be with more people, other may need to make time to be alone. Some people may need to serve more, others may need to stop serving so much and take nourishment for themselves. Boundaries set a structure in which you can flourish. The first step is to set the boundaries for yourself.

In my case I have a flexible hours, part time position that I enjoy, but it was in my life every day, including weekends. I really thought about it as being in my face, that's how uncomfortable it was becoming. It was too consistently interruptive. The boundary I chose was to set specific times to focus on each of the nourishing activities I desired to do. I particularly wanted to confine the activities of the part time position.

I set up a schedule of specific days and hours to address each of areas I was pursing. That was a very positive start on my part. It launched an intention, a most powerful metaphysical tool. I had compartmentalized my days to a certain degree, but the interruptions came from other people asking for action on parts and pieces of my part time job. Step one was to make the decision for myself. Step two is to let others know about my intention. I will announce my intention to support designated hours for this work to those I work with. I will not turn people away; I will simply mention my preference. It may be that I will have to mention it several times but I shall do so in a considerate manner.

The fact that I made the choice for myself in my own consciousness will assure its manifestation. As I move into and keep this schedule it will move to attract everything to it's scheduled place.

The interesting thing about setting boundaries around relationships is that relationships are always a reflection of your inner essence. When you find something that doesn't feel good coming at you from another person, you can be assured it is something you have going on within yourself. The question then becomes, "What form do I want this lesson to take?"

Let's say someone comes to a meeting full of enthusiasm and excitement and moves so fast she/he doesn't take time to include those who need to approach the idea from a different and perhaps more methodical standpoint. It may seem that she/he "walks all over" the others and it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of that approach. Step one is to see if you have ever done that yourself and give some serious thought to changing it now that you know how it feels to experience that approach. Step two is to decide if you want to set a boundary and Step three is "Will she/he hear me if I do?"

First work on yourself. When you change yourself you will not find that negative experience reflected in your life again.

Rather than setting boundaries surrounding your health, think of it in terms of support. "How can I support my body in being balanced and healthy? What do I need more of? Less of?"

Determine what you are willing to do. If you prefer the inner journeys of creativity, contemplation and meditation, how would yoga or T'ai Chi, Falun Gong or dance class fit into your body's desire for movement? If you are always busy physically, how can you allow your body time to be in repose?

Our goal is to walk our talk. It is no longer enough to understand our spirituality, to meditate, to contemplate, to pray. We must actively live those principles we value in every moment of our lives.

In What The Bleep Are we!? Joe Dispenza describes his practice of consciously creating his day. He begins by intentionally listing qualities he chooses to experience that day. He asks the spiritual aspect of himself to "show me a sign today that you paid attention to any one of these things that I created. Bring them in a way that I won't expect, so I'm surprised at my ability to be able to experience these things and make it so I have no doubt that its come from you." What would you choose? Would it be freedom, discovery, serenity, creativity, clarity, solitude, rest, a surprise, a new opportunity?

Boundaries are actually our own personal guidelines. They indicate what we choose for ourselves and how we desire to live our lives. They embrace our personal values and offer us a way to honor those values in our daily life whether we are around someone or not around someone, doing something or not doing something.

Cara Lumen, MA, Your Idea Optimizer helps you turn your ideas into steady profit. As a business developer, content developer and educator, Cara helps you make money from what you already know. You can learn more about how to put your wisdom to work through her radio show www.blogtalkradio.com/passioantelyonpurpose and her Passionately On Purpose emagazine at www.caralumen.com