FINDING THE NERVE TO
SET PERSONAL BOUNDARIES
I found myself stretched out
and grouchy. I felt scattered and pulled in a great many directions
even thought they were exciting directions. I was far from balanced.
I knew I needed to change. I
gave myself a reality check and decided to set some new boundaries.
Boundaries are not about keeping
people out, they are about structuring your life in a manner
that nourishes and fulfills you. The boundaries will look different
on each of us because our needs are unique. Someone may need
to make time to be with more people, other may need to make
time to be alone. Some people may need to serve more, others
may need to stop serving so much and take nourishment for themselves.
Time
In my case I have a flexible
hours, part time position that I enjoy, but it was in my life
every day, including weekends. I really thought about it being
in my face, it was so consistent and interruptive. I decided
I wanted to have specific times to focus on each of the nourishing
activities I desired to do. I particularly wanted to confine
the activities of the part time position.
I set up a schedule of specific
days and hours to address each of areas I was pursing. That
was a very positive start on my part. It launched an intention,
a very powerful metaphysical tool. I had compartmentalized my
days to a certain degree, but the interruptions came from other
people asking for action on parts and pieces of my part time
job. Step one was to make the decision for myself. Step two
is to let others know about my intention. I will announce my
intention to support designated hours for this work to the board
and to the membership. I will not turn people away; I will simply
mention my preference.
The fact that I made the choice
for myself in my own consciousness will assure its manifestation.
Relationships
The interesting thing about
setting boundaries around relationships is that relationships
are always a reflection of your inner essence. When you find
something that doesn't set well with you coming at you from
another person, you can be assured it is something you have
going on within yourself. The question then becomes, "What
form do I want this lesson to take?"
Let's say someone comes to a
meeting full of enthusiasm and excitement and moves so fast
she/he doesn't take time to include those who need to approach
the idea from a different and perhaps slower standpoint. It
may seem that she/he "walks all over" the others and
it doesn't feel good to be on the receiving end of that approach.
Step one is to see if you have ever done that yourself and give
some serious thought to changing it now that you know how it
feels to experience that approach. Step two is to decide if
you want to set a boundary and Step three is "Will she/he
hear me if I do?"
First work on yourself. When
you change yourself you will not find that negative experience
reflected in your life again.
Health
Rather than setting boundaries
surrounding your health, think of it in terms of support. "How
can I support my body in being balanced and healthy? What do
I need more of? Less of?"
Determine what you are willing
to do. If you prefer the inner journeys of creativity, contemplation
and meditation, how would yoga or T'ai Chi, Falun Gong or dance
class fit into your body's desire for movement? If you are always
busy physically, how can you allow your body time to be in repose?
Everything we do is a choice.
Everything we do not do is a choice.
Spirituality
Our goal is to walk our talk.
It is no longer enough to understand our spirituality, to meditate,
to contemplate, to pray. We must actively live those principles
we value in every moment of our lives.
In What The Bleep Are we!? Joe
Dispenza describes his practice of consciously creating his
day. He begins by intentionally listing qualities he chooses
to experience that day. He asks the spiritual aspect of himself
to "show me a sign today that you paid attention to any
one of these things that I created. Bring them in a way that
I won't expect, so I'm surprised at my ability to be able to
experience these things and make it so I have no doubt that
its come from you." What would choose? Would it be freedom,
discovery, serenity, creativity, solitude, rest, a surprise,
a new opportunity?
Boundaries are actually our
own personal guidelines. They indicate what we want for ourselves
and how we want to live our lives. They embrace our personal
values and offer us a way to honor those values in our daily
life by being around someone, by not being around someone, by
doing something or not doing something.
Boundaries are choice. Make
your choices for the highest good of all.
© 2005 Cara Lumen
